ELISHA'S JOURNAL

I don't know...

2010-10-28T02:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I want,
Don't know where I want to be,
Cannot differentiate what is right or wrong,
Or even think right ....or act at a timely manner,

Could this be the sign?
That this is the time?
To move, stay or follow my dream?
Everything seems a struggle,

What do I need?
Not expensive gifts, shoes or branded items,
Those things never makes me happy anyway,
I want items that Money can't buy,

I don't know what is feelings anymore,
Constant hurt...makes me cold even more,
Sensitive me as it seems,
For that feelings that I don't know how to react no more,

REFLECTION FOR TODAY MOVIE TITLE "MY SISTER KEEPER"

2010-02-06T11:28:00.000-08:00

Today, as i was happily waiting to chat with a friend of mine from Swiss...not knowing that I was fool or may be I'm being too sensitive about it...

Anyway, back to the movie that I 'm going to share after watching beautiful movie that touches my heart. Sometimes in life ,we thought that we can fight for everything...but we forget that we are not GOD, at times we don't take charged of our life....we have to realistic about life...yes we can fight...fight to survive, fight for your rights, fight for your dignity....and etc. The moral of this story is that we have to learn to respect what other wants ..in other words human rights and not what we presume to be our way, and we have to learn to listen from others opinion not just yours....

This movie makes me cry so much...may be I'm being a cry baby..i think but truly meaningful ....definitely change my perception about life and what to fight for.....and yes we lived ones...but never forget to respect others decision as well....

Fours years today in Saudi

2010-02-04T22:13:00.000-08:00

Year 2006 Feb 5, I arrived here in Jedd ah. And now 2010 marks four years being here. I cannot believe it and hard to believe, my question to myself I dunno when I will leave and where I want to be....absolutely clueless, if any one asked me when ......the answer "I don't know" and I hope soon after i finish what I have started, I guess I can only take one thing at a time and one day as it goes......nothing is permanent in this life and hopefully the day will come that I know where I belong for good.......

But for now....I know that I wanted to finish what I have started......and looking forward for my graduation....

This year will get better as it goes......

I LOOK TO YOU LYRICS BY WHITNEY HOUSTON

2010-01-05T10:38:00.000-08:00

Its been sometimes that I have not put any words in here. May be I'm trying to avoid or too busy with my own life not knowing what to do.... Today when I really at the gate of running away or giving up everything ....I had now....but doubt sucks in ..when I don't know what to do!!! I had a chance to watch Oprah and she interviewed my favourite singer..that gives me inspiration...many times in shit moments...and this time same....I heard this song that inspire me again ..to NOT TO GIVE UP ! which i would like to share this lyric to all:

As I lay down,

Heaven hear now,

I'm lost without a cause,

Afer giving it my all,

Winter storms have come,

And darkened my sun,

After all that I 've been through,

Who on earth can I turn to,

I look to you,

After all my strength is gone,

In you I can be strong,

I look to you,

And the melodies are gone,

In you I hear a song,

I look to you,

After losing my breath,

There's no more fighting left,

Sinking to rise no more,

Searching for that open door,

And every road that I have taken,

Lead to my regret,

And I don't know if I'm gonna make it,

Nothing to do but lift up my head,

I look to you,

Take me far away from the battle,

I need you,

Shine on me,

I look to you,

GAME OF LOVE

2009-09-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

Tell me,
Just what you want me to be?
one kiss and boom you 're the only one to me,
So please tell me,
Why don't you come around no more?
Cause right now I'm,
Crying outside the door,
Of your candy store,

It just takes a little bit of this,
a little bit of that,
It started with a kiss,
now we're up to bat,
A little bit of laughs,

A little bit of pain,
I'm telling you may be its all in the game of love...

is, whatever you make it to be,
Sunshine, set on this cold, lonely sea,
So please baby,
try and use for what I'm good for,
It ain't saying,
Goodbye its knocking down the door of your candy store,

You roll me,
Control me,
console me,
You guide me, divide me into what?
Makes me feels good
Now here am I on my own, on my own?

Michelle Branch featuring Santana

BEAUTIFUL DISASTER

2009-09-25T20:05:00.000-07:00

He drowns in his dream,
an exquitsite extreme i know,
he's as damned as he seems,
more heaven than a heart could hold,
and if i tried to save him,
my whole world could cave in,
just ain't right,
just ain't right,
oh i don't know,
i don't know what he's after,
but he's so beautiful,
such a beautiful disaster,
if i could hold on,
through the tears and the laugther,
would be it beautiful,
or just beautiful disaster,
he'smagic and myth,
as strong as what i believe,
a tradegy with,
more damage than soul should see,
and do i try to change his decision,
so hard not to blame him,
hold on tight,
hold on tight,
i'm longing for love and logical,
but he's only happy hysterical,
i'm waiting for some kind or miracle,
waiting for so long,
he's soft to the touch,
but frayed at the ends he breaks,
he's never enough,
and still he's more than i can take

written by Matthew Wilder/ Rebekah
Sing by Kelly Clarkson

TASTELESS...

2009-09-25T07:31:00.000-07:00

I can cook, but the food seems tasteless to me,
I can bake but I don't feel like having a piece,
I can't eat, what's wrong with me?
How can I sustain with this misery?
All I can take is fluids to fill my tummy,
How can banana smoothies and yogurt gives me energy?
When will this be over? I need to taste the food that I usually consume,
I have the veges and the meat but where is my passion for food?
Where can I find it? Why is this happening to me?
Why LOVES do this to me?
I thought LOVE, supposed to be wonderful feeling,
Why I end up like this?
Cold, heartless, loveless and lonely,
I'm so hungry,
Am I hungry for LOVE?
Or hungry for food?
I forgot what's the taste of food,
My usual craving seems bitter to me,
Please take this pain away from me,
For all I have done and all I ever did, In the name of LOVE !!!!!

KIMI

Brain Freeze

2009-09-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

My mind was so busy, its non stop thinking to write..I can feels the words coming out from my head....words by words...feels like writing poem..or letter...I dunno....my mind is sooo packed now...unbelievable, I wish I can write this like my own assignments.....may be i should start writting despite my lousy english? I don't see why not? May be I can express in words , the rite words to use and the rhythm as well......Oh LORD......help me out hear my cry......pls get this out of my mind.....Love don't hurt......and love does not torture........love protect others from getting hurt...love is stable...it will not wobble, love knows no boundries.....no pricess, love is a universal language.....which you dun need other language to express your love. But why ppl confuse over this..?

what is understanding?..what is love...and care? and WHY?

2009-09-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

What is understanding? It is called intellection a psychological process related to an abstract or physical object, such as a person, situation, or messages whereby one is able to think about it and use concept to deal adequately with that object.

Well all the above, to me understanding is beyond words...you dun need words to explain...its from within...derives from the bottom of your heart. Understanding a person does not require words to express, it can also be done by non verbal communication which is by gesture, or body language....

Today, i received a news, which to my suprise, although it was hard for me despite that I 'm already stress up with assignment that due today which I have not even type a word. A person asked me...do i ever talk about his past or my past. Well, for what i know I'm not interested in the past because I don't live in that past anymore, I have moved on......does that mean if you don't know a person past that means you don't understand a person? Or what hes trying to say that language was our barrier...that stopped us from getting to know each other? Or shall I say that he simply wants easier way out rather than put a lot of effort to teach others that does not understand their language....I know I 'm always on the blame side because I don't understand the language.......but I don't believe in that........but they don't.

Back to the past topic, Is that really necessary to know a person past....? Not me..if i know the person now....I'm only interested with the present and future. Everyone has their past, we all have it...but why hold on to the past when we have so much ahead of us. We don't look back , we learn from it....then make better person from it. Does not mean I don't know his past ....therefore I don't care...

Well, I'm tired of all this game........just because I love and care a person so much......

My first PANDAN CAKE....

2009-09-18T23:03:00.000-07:00

My first Pandan cake , it was amazing that it was a success, may be a little more spongy that will be great.....but in deed this makes my day ;)

I HAVE A DREAM.....

2009-09-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

Today in the evening, while I was about to have my dinner early in front of the television, most of the time I'm in the kitchen really..:P.. I switch on the TV and they were playing MAMMIA...to my suprise i watched it last year in Helsinki alone and this time I'm watching it alone as well, well may be coz am in Jeddah. As usual I'm restless doing my chores but I stayed till the movie ends. The last song they played was I have a dream....such a beautiful song, it reminds me of my mom, she have never laughed at my dream when I told her what I want to be......She always have the positive thought about it....she always said if i can make t that would be great...It feels like i watched that movie yesterday ...but actually its already a year old...time flies before you know it .....a year passed by...so many event happened to me..but I'm glad because I grew from it....Of course my dreams now its different compare last year....And I know that it will gets better ....for sure ....Its ok to dream......at least we know what we want in our life....

Reflection of today

2009-08-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

Well as usual ,today is Sunday, my normal routine at work ( Neuro Surgery ) . Well, how am I going to write this...ehmmm lets see...OK... was a hectic day ..along with a new girl who have works as scrub nurse but no exposure about Neuro surgery. Its hard, when they don't understand the work load here. Surgeon rushing ..while you 're in charge of the instrument at the same time assisting surgeon because the Associate Consultant that assist the Surgeon does not know what to do....In my hand retracting for the surgeon and the other hand of mine holding or passing instrument ....and when ever I can i will try to do my swab count before the surgery ends....and also instrument count...Now, the problem lies on when a new girl who 's not familiar with the instrument , expecting me to follow her speed so that she can cope with the instruments name ...but what about me who'e trying to finish the count before the surgeon close the skin...? I truly understand being new ...Its not like i want to bully..clearly they don't get it !! This cause frustration at work and unnecessary stress....The simple solution is that new girls are supposed to rotate in thier related field till their familiar..then to follow major cases...I 'm dealing with human life...i don't have time to wait !!!!!!

Hormones....

2009-08-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

Its unbelievable what hormones can do to your mood. Well for me..its been swinging like hell ever since I came back from holiday. I am proud being a woman...but does this only effect woman? Well I dun think so i guess...;P may be there 's something in my mind that bothers me...which I myself not sure of that....I had to keep myself busy ..reading and all..so that my brain can rest , and stop being so sensitive over tiny matters....It kills....but am glad that my friends are very understanding...., glad to have them..and I think they knew me very well....being spoiled all the time :p ....Thank you so much for being there for me and who ever that reading my blog...merci for being there for me......I will try not to be selfish or too moody but its all up to my hormones..;)

Phenomenal Woman - Poem by Maya Angelou

2009-08-27T23:09:00.001-07:00

Phenomenal Woman - Poem by Maya Angelou

Shared via AddThis

2009-08-26T13:57:00.000-07:00

I became avid reader of Paolo Coelho books....esp the new book. It makes me realize a few things about life. May be it will help me to decide later.....

2009-08-25T22:18:00.000-07:00

I got the book and I read it straight away...few pages hope today that i will have time to read more .....

A Book ...

2009-08-25T14:05:00.001-07:00

Today..when i heard my bet freind told me bout the book...I knew I have to have it..and lucky enough , I bought it...now i had to divide my time to read and to do my assignment. Somehow I think I will get an answer from this book. Will this book change my perception about life. Will see when am done with it.

A Book ...

2009-08-25T14:05:00.000-07:00